Living for Me

It’s been a year since the surgery. I’m so thankful that God has comforted me throughout my healing process. Before this happened, I struggled with acknowledging God because I couldn’t understand the contradictory messages within the Bible. The near death experience has definitely caused me to re-establish a relationship with our Heavenly Father so that I can grow spiritually.

I’ve often wondered why it was so difficult to maintain relationships with not only men but most importantly God. It has become clear to me that I haven’t been able to succeed in those areas because of the estranged relationship I have with my dad.

I have felt abandoned by my dad. I feel that he has allowed his wife to destroy the relationship he had with his two daughters. He also allowed my mother to give me up for adoption to my grandparents as a child. So while I was living with my grandparents in Alabama, my biological parents moved 3000 miles away…to California. I bring this up because now I realize that my parents actions of abandonment has caused me to have little to no faith with my Heavenly Father.

So today I ask God, my Heavenly Father to mend my brokenness, help me to become whole, help me to experience peace, help me to remember that You are my restorer, my deliverer, my guide, my counselor and my strength. Father God, your word says in Psalm 27:10 that when my father and mother forsake me, then You will take me up.

I now feel within the depth of my soul that this is the beginning of me being delivered to wholeness and success in every area of my life.

I Almost Died

On November 29th 2015, I almost died. Just rereading that sentence bring me to tears. The previous day, I had experienced a little back pain. It almost felt like I had strained a muscle, which I thought could have happened after rushing around the house preparing sacred soulfor family to come over. I took an Advil but the pain didn’t go away. My ex-husband told me to go to the hospital and get checked out but I blew it off because it wasn’t that bad. I had to meet him later that day to pick up our youngest child. On the way back home, I could hardly focus on the road. I asked my 10 year old to give me a bag that was on the floor because I became nauseated. I didn’t want to pull over because I didn’t want my son to get out of the car on the freeway so I knew I had to make it home. The drive had to be frightening for my son because I do remember swerving. ¬†We made it home and I immediately fell out on the couch. No one else was home. My 10 year old called his dad and told him that I wasn’t responding to him. The next thing I can remember is being in an ambulance. I was in excruciating pain. I don’t remember how long I was in the ER but I was sent back home with nausea medicine and muscle relaxer.

The next day, my 19 and 20 year old were home. I don’t remember a lot about that day but I do remember fainting before attempting to take a bath. My daughter helped me up and I told her not to call the hospital however, I did tell her that if I fell out again, to give me mouth to mouth and call 911. Well, I did fall out again. I was told that the paramedics put me on my bed, lifted me onto the cart and rushed me to the hospital. I was given a CT scan and that is when they found that I had a ruptured aortic abdominal aneurysm. I was air lifted to Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta where they performed a successful 8 hour emergency surgery. I’m so grateful to still be alive because statistics show that only 20% of those who have this type of aneurysm don’t make it to the hospital and those that do, there is about a 50% chance of survival. This is just the beginning…