Before the devastating trauma, the ICU delirium, the month spent in the hospital while missing out on holiday festivities and the excruciating months of mental and physical recovery, I was just a normal divorced mother with three children, a job I loved and a typical American life.
The Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm (AAA) threw me for a loop. It has left me with a sense of loss. Loss for the control of bodily functions I took for granted. Loss of memory. Hopelessness. I feel wiped out with not much energy or motivation to do much of anything. The vitality I once had is gone. The medicine doesn’t help but as of this date (5/11/2016)…I need it. The Xanax help relieve the anxiety I feel when the flashbacks force their way back into my mind. The Cymbalta, does its best at lifting my mood but it more-so helps with the numbness and nerve pain I experience in my leg.
Even though the AAA has forced my life to a screeching halt, I’ve come to realize that the life I lived before the trauma is what brought about this event. The stories I tell within this blog will hopefully give insight into how I lived before and what I need to focus on now.
Despite the taboo subject of death, I need to mention that I’m no longer afraid of it. We all live and we all must die. The question then is what legacy are we leaving behind. How much did we love? Did we have compassion for others? Did we treat the place we reside with respect? Did we live? Our soul, the very essence of who we are, is here to learn lessons. Where our soul goes once we leave this realm is unknown but I do know that it isn’t over. The goal is to take care of our sacred soul on the journeys we experience.